Nelson Mandela lends his support
Former President of South Africa, living legend and dirty fucking criminal, Nelson Mandela came to Brighton to pay me a personal visit and show his support for me during this time of persecution.
He told me that what he went through all those years ago was like a holiday in Tenerife in comparison to the hell I’m being subjected to. If he made it to President, I’ll probably make it to fucking Grand High Vizier of Europe or something!
He offered me any help he could possibly give, including calling his mate Kofi and going round to San Francisco to “beat the living shit out of those prissy cunts”. I think he was just trying to get me into bed though.
He didn’t stand a chance, I don’t do crusty old man sex. And besides, Winnie probably gave him the clap.
Nelson Mandela enjoys a cup of PG Tips and some custard creams
February 8th, 2006 at 2:19 pm
Custard creams? I always had Nelson down as more of a garibaldi kind of guy…
February 8th, 2006 at 6:07 pm
I’ve never known him to eat a garibaldi, though he developed a taste for Fig Rolls prison
February 9th, 2006 at 12:17 pm
never mind the soap, it was the bournville and the french fondant fancy he was worried about.
February 9th, 2006 at 12:25 pm
I think he kept them in the same place as his soap.
April 19th, 2008 at 11:38 pm
You are one sick twisted individual. What the hell is so funny about aborting babies, living creatures. You are a disgusting excuse for a human being. I am a man and I would never even want to be in the same room as a woman like you. YOu are seriously sick and twisted and are a sorry excuse for a human being.