Shhexy’s Advice Column
I received a missive from one of my readers this morning, asking for advice with their particular situation and I thought I’d share my response with you, in case you find my guidance useful yourself!
“Dear Shexxy,
I have a problem. A couple of months ago my electricity bill went way up. It turned out that my cat was growing marijuana in our basement. I had a long talk with her about the morals and legal risks of growing marijuana in our basement and she promised never to do it again.
Everything was fine for a couple of months until I found out that she had paid cash for a new BMW. I discovered that she was growing marijuana in our neighbor’s basement. When I confronted her, she simply pointed out that she had only promised to stop growing marijuana in OUR house.
On one hand I feel that she has betrayed my trust and lied to me, but on the other hand, I don’t like our neighbor and I wouldn’t mind seeing his snotty ass hauled away by the police. What should I do?
Anonymous,
1454 Columbus street.
White Plains, Kansas”
Well, Anonymous, I’d suggest that you go and get your fucking head checked out. You talk to your cat? “She” grows drugs? Sounds like a classic case of projection to me, you twat.
I bet your neighbour has things like a girlfriend, mates and some semblance of social life? Pull yourself together, get a haircut, some Issey Miyake and maybe leave your house once in a while.
If you really want to fuck you neighbour over though, marijuana really isn’t going to get them put in the slammer for long. Why not invite a niece or nephew over and get them to accuse him of touching them in their special places? Why not? Because your family won’t let you near them, that’s why.
Good fucking Christ, you’re pathetic.
Artist’s impression of “Anonymous”
If you have a problem, if no-one else can help, and if I can be bothered, maybe you can Ask Corin.
March 17th, 2006 at 12:09 am
you clearly know nothing of the amurrican heartland. no self-respecting kansan would be manufacturing low-profit marijuana; all the real money’s in crystal meth. it’s the hillbilly cocaine, after all. (note: while “hillbilly heroin” is more cleverly alliterative, that nickname has already been given to rush limbaugh’s drug of choice, oxycontin)
you win 50 internets for a-team reference also.
March 17th, 2006 at 12:14 am
I got the email from a deranged hermit, jpmatth, it’s not my fault if he doesn’t know his arse from his elbow!
March 17th, 2006 at 12:47 am
Ed, is that you? If I catch you in my window again, I’m calling the cops you miserable fucktard!