Infidelity is a terrible thing
My mate Theodore has been going out with this lovely girl for over a year now and I thought they were very happy together. Lately, however, he’s been making noises about how she doesn’t really make him happy in the “right way”. He’s also been saying that she really could do with losing some weight and that maybe taking her out for walks would solve the problem.
I thought this was all just a little glitch in an otherwise happy relationship, but I was horribly wrong. The other week he came out for drinks with us in The Essex. We had a great afternoon, talking shite, coming up with silly plans to cause mischief…
When he disappeared for a while, we thought he’d gone for a big shit, but it transpired that Ted had other things on his mind - he had his perverted eyes on the landlord’s mutt Megan and had decided to seduce her!
Theodore shoves his rancid tongue down Megan’s throat.
The landlord caught them at it and chucked us all out of the pub. I don’t know what to do now, Theodore’s one of my best friends, but I don’t want to see his bird get hurt by his philandering ways? What’s a girl to do?!