♥ shhexycorin ♥

He’ll jump on your face, motherfucker!

Someone I work with has a phobia of dwarves. So I keep one in my pocket and get it out whenever I want to force her to do something she doesn’t want to do. They are fascinating things though, midgets and dwarves. You’re never sure where the laughter starts and the screaming ends, but it’s normally down by your knees somewhere. The other night I started looking up dwarves and midgets on YouTube. I tell you, it’s a great way to get some fucked up dreams! Let me give you a couple of choice highlights, let me share the pain, please…

The Valhalla of “little people” is the primordial dwarf. So small that you can get 2 or 3 in your handbag and still have room for a foot-long vibrator, they sound like they breathe helium. If I was being honest, I really would love one of them for my birthday (hint, hint).

Of course, in these politically correct times, we must remember that dwarves are real people too and, as such, they deserve to be mocked and derided as much as the next person. Or paraded about on the Jerry Springer freak show. They’re particularly cute when they run at each other and knock themselves right over. Weeeeee!

My all-time fave is the Little Superstar. He’s a YouTube hero, a funky little guy… no-one can quite agree what the hell he is! Boy can he move, I bet he’s a firecracker in the sack too.

Other dwarves of note

The laughing German midget gives you one of those warm tingly feelings inside. Probably where you pissed yourself in fear.

Howard Stern gives us some great dwarf on dwarf action where they’re just slagging each other off for being dwarves, basically. To make it even better, one of them is rat-arsed. “You don’t even have an ass”. Genius.

Get some real violence with midget kickboxing, though I must say that the commentary really lets that one down. Not to worry, the midget Michael Jackson will put that right out of your mind and getting you jiving away. And the crème de la crème… midget bullfighting, embedded here for your viewing pleasure, because I don’t want the title to spoil the ending for you.

UPDATE: the above video is no longer available :’((((((

And that’s about it from me on the tiny fucker front. Time for breakfast, I think.

This entry was posted on Saturday, February 10th, 2007 at 9:46 am and is filed under shhexycorin's blog. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.