♥ shhexycorin ♥

I’m a big fan of date-rape, Well, let’s be honest, who isn’t? After knitting (which is just fucking sick and should not be joked about), it’s the fastest growing hobby in the UK - it doesn’t cost much and is fun for all the family!

I love how people are being so inventive with it, this chap is clearly a genius. If he weren’t such an ugly cunt, I’d probably hunt him down and make him my love slave.

As it is, I’ll have to make do with raping myself. Again.

Wouldn’t you agree, baby you and me, got a shhexy kind of rape?

I’d spent weeks in the bush, following this tiger, when finally I got the shot I wanted. National Geographic offered me a six figure sum for it and I was about to go home, but my journalistic curiosity got the better of me, as ever!

The tiger had been acting funny, fluttering his eyes and twirling his whiskers at Clive, my native guide. Clive just laughed it off, but I knew there was more to it. That last night, I was swatting the mosquitos off my mimsy, when I heard curious groaning noises coming from the tent next door!

As I peaked my head into Clive’s tent, I couldn’t believe my eyes… There they were, eating pussy like there was no tomorrow, with a young cub watching, encouraging them… You might say he served as a fluffer.

It was all I could do to take a photo before having a good hard wank in the African darkness.

Doling out the Rohypnol

Seeing as they wouldn’t let me into the San Francisco bash, I decided I had better throw a little party of my own to celebrate 2 years of the wonder that is Flickr. I invited all my Flickr chums along, nearly all of them dropped everything to come to the party of the year!

Mary about to chug Rohypnol

My sister Mary even flew over with her gang of mates - she wouldn’t miss a good gangbang for the world - and she brought with her some high-grade Rohypnol that you only get out in Asia.

One of my patrons very kindly provided as much booze as we could neck, a free bar really is all you need to get a party swinging… Even some gatecrashers couldn’t ruin this night and within an hour or so, everyone stripped off and started to get busy. We’d shipped over a shiteload of prossies from Berlin, but, to be honest, we didn’t need them - everyone turned into a whore before long, so keen were they to show their love for Flickr!

I’m about to get lucky!

Expect the patter of many tiny Flickr-baby feet very soon, though we’ll have no idea who the fathers or mothers are, I feel this is another perfect example of the Flickr community spirit! Not to mention the several XXX DVDs that will be released off the back of this party, if you were there, expect a fat royalty cheque!

If you didn’t come this time, you better had next year or there’ll be trouble.

At the age of 14, my oldest friend told me she was a lezzer. Apparently she’d fancied me since we were both in the first year of infant school, but she’d never dared say anything as I was way out of her league. It’s true, but I probably would have let her have a go out of sympathy and admiration for her excellent taste in women.

Anyway, since that time she’s somehow managed to move on and found herself a girlfriend. They came to visit last weekend, what a night we had! They stole the show singing “Don’t Let Your Son Go Down On Me” at the tranny karaoke and then did a little poledance round the gangly geek in the corner. When we got back to mine, things got a little inappropriate and they ate each other out in the kitchen. No wonder they’re so fucking fat.

Preparing for a heavy session of clam lapping.

I heard a great story from a friend about a bloke who went to the local knocking shop after the football to get himself sucked off. He was shown to a room, told to get himself ready. So he strips off, taking off his shoes and socks. To his horror, he realises that his feet are fucking rancid! He spots a bottle of talcum powder on the sideboard, and liberally shakes it onto his feet. Only the lid flies off… and the bottle empties in his lap.

At that second the whore opens the door to the room, causing the powder to billow up in a cloud, filling the room.

Sad fuck, bet he didn’t get his blow-job either. Or if he did, he paid extra and it was dry, messy and smelt of his nan.

The Kemptown girls just want to have fun.

I worry about this world we’re living in, you know. I was tasked by Big Vern to do some research for the This is not a Brothel group on Flickr.

So I asked my mates if they knew anywhere and Malcolm suggested I go to “The Playpen” - a massage parlour in deepest, darkest Kemptown. I was horrified when I got there, it seemed to be employing whores who looked like they couldn’t be much older than 12!

This is NOT a bit of “innocent” fun

This got my journalistic instincts tingling, so I set about asking these girls some questions. At first they were reluctant to talk to me but I slipped them a couple of quid each and that quickly loosened their tongues. To my absolute amazement it transpired that they were all well over forty, I even met one of their daughters, who’s studying at university - debt free thanks to her hard-working Ma!

There’s been a fair bit of news about brothels this week, if these girls are anything to go by, prostitution gives you a good life that keeps you looking young. As long as you don’t mind all the degrading sex acts with strangers, of course. These girls told me they couldn’t get enough off it.

So I’ve decided, I’m buying shares in Brighton Lube plc.

I don’t know what my poofter mates were thinking, taking me to a place where women get their kit off and dance provocatively for each other. At first I thought it was all pretty fucking disgusting, and Pete and Edmund were just pissing themselves. The gays get very excited by tits, which has never made sense to me.

Anyway, I was knackered and about to leave when this pair of hotties got up and started grinding away in my face! I really didn’t know where to look. They were so fucking shhexy that they very nearly turned me! But then I remembered that they might have fists, but they haven’t got a cock… You can’t live without cock.