Twat-munching bloggers make the internet a fucking dangerous place

April 28th, 2007

Today I was alarmed to read this article about the exponential rise in offensive content on the internet.

I was truly shocked! I’m no prude but I can’t bear the thought of people being BULLIED OFF THE INTERNET BY RUDENESS! We must stop the rot, reclaim the information superhighway for the good, the pure and the chaste.

Fight fire with fire.
Fight fist with fist.
Fight cunt with cunt.

A retrospective of ♥ PULITZER PRIZE-WINNING PHOTOGRAPHER

April 28th, 2007

I have made a special video-montage of the collected works from the PPWP Estate, a not-for-profit organisation that is travelling the world, trying to recover the lost classic works of Clicky McPhotographer after their destruction at the hands of Flickr and MI5.

I worked with music-video producer Michel Gondry to get the mood right - and some technical advice on the special effects. I think the end results are pretty special, a tear-inducing tribute to the great man. I only hope that tear comes from your Jap’s eye.

Please, enjoy…

A retrospective of ♥ PULITZER PRIZE-WINNING PHOTOGRAPHER on Vimeo

And I made a similar piece of for my own oeuvre. Featuring a selection of my tip-top shots.

A retrospective of some of my finest Flickr work on Vimeo

Photowalking Easter with 5olly and Betsy, Brighton, 2007

April 10th, 2007

We are Art. We are dedicated, Serious Photographers, so on Easter Sunday, 5olly, Betsy and I decided to get up before the crack of dawn (11am) to go on the inaugural Brighton Flickr Photowalk. After a breakfast of traditional Easter Sunday Crackling, we headed out into the misty morning, alone on the beach save for a few intrepid tourists and itinerant cunts.

We headed down from central Brighton, all along the seafront, past the abandoned West Pier, past the French market where we gorged on saucisson and duck mousse, past the derelict King Alfred Centre until we reached the balmy paradise of Hove Lagoon.

There we shot the wildfowl and punched a swan or two, before heading back along the shore to the city, lunch and an afternoon’s boozing with cunts.

With much post-processing and judicious editing skills, the Photowalking Team have put together a video montage of our very best shots from the Photowalk. I hope you enjoy it as much as we enjoyed putting it together!

Rape: The only answer?

March 31st, 2007

No matter how hard we may try to avoid it, the fact is that rape is something that happens to all of us.

We must accept this truth, we must welcome it. Only then can the wonder of rape become clear. This may seem preposterous to you, but this just means that you have not truly contemplated the power of rape over your sexual feelings. You have not let rape into your life, into your heart and mind.

A friend of mine recently suggested that to solve the problem of over-crowded prisons, those who commit crimes could be visited by a government rapist and have their punishment meted out in the comfort of their own home. On the surface it seems like a good idea, but not for those of us to whom the idea is more than a little shhexy.

Actually it’s a fucking great idea, you wouldn’t have to go to prison to get a regular raping. I’m not sure how well the idea works on the crime-prevention side of things though. In fact, it just encourages it. Back to the drawing board, methinks.

Lucky little kitten
This little kitten must have been very, very naughty!

The Human Hedgehog

March 30th, 2007
Human Hedgehog

I really don’t care if this a hoax. It’s sexy enough not to matter.

Some bloke in Eastern Europe has massive keratine growths all over his hands, feet and other bits.

They say it makes him look like a hedgehog. I think he looks fungal. In a fucking shhexy way. If anyone has his number, pass it on! Thanks ducks.

Listen to a movie

March 28th, 2007

I imagine there’s a bucketload of crap on this site, but then I hate films. Having siad that, I find it hard to concentrate on watching the TV these days, so this is a great way to not worry about that… Listen to a Movie - tons of movies, all sound, no distracting pictures.

Favourite so far, with painful childhood zen-charm, A Charlie Brown Christmas. Haven’t found any porn yet, but I’m still looking!

A shhexy idea for Sunday

March 25th, 2007
Figging is the new dogging
Figging is the new dogging.

When the vicar comes a-knocking
When the vicar comes a-knocking.

You all know what a big fan I am of alternative sexual practices, my recent all-time fave being the noble art of figging. In fact, I’d been so busy figging lately, that I’ve completely forgotten to eat.

I opened my fridge for the first time in weeks and there was a writhing mass of maggots crawling all over the 10lb gammon I’d put there back in February. Fortunately, I’d just been reading this fascinating article about a man who gets off on putting maggots on his cock. Genius!

What could be shhexier than shoving a few of those squirmy little critters up your genitals? I tell you, it makes going to church 300% more interesting. I even convinced the pastor to give it a go. He had a naughty little smile on his face during the whole of his sermon. Filthy Father.

Meebo me!

March 19th, 2007

I ♥ Meebo very very much… it’s an easy way to get all your IM accounts online without the use of any software. So is useful if you’re at work… (*looks about shiftily*). At home, I use Trillian and apparently their new version, Astra, will have a web version to take on Meebo. But that ain’t here yet, and I don’t know if they’ll have a Widgets. Which I’ve just worked out how to use…

It’s basically a way to get chitty-chatty on a web page. Like in the right-hand side of my blog. If I’m online now, get inappropriate with me!

:)

The 365 phenomenon

March 17th, 2007

Day 51: I am giving up meat for Lent.
Originally uploaded by beebo wallace.

More and more of of my Flickr buddies are starting up on this 365 shit, where you’re supposed to post 365 self-portraits in a year. Not necessarily one a day, but one for every day of the year.

Infamous cunt and internet muse, Beebo Wallace started it in the new year and he gets HOTTER with every day that passes. People are more interesting than pictures of walls or rust or flowers, especially people you know. The group has a voyeuristic pleasure and is a stalker’s delight. Therefore, I’m a massive fan.

Still full of cunts though, but then, it is Flickr.

I’m going to start a 366 day group for next year, just to piss them off! I’m sure it will make everyone very angry, oh yes.
;)

OMG DA BEST BLOG EVA

March 6th, 2007

After mine, obviously.  It’s called I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER? and it requires absolutely no explanation from me,  not least because I’ve drunk too much wine to bother.

I’M IN UR CUPZ