♥ shhexycorin ♥

After mine, obviously.  It’s called I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER? and it requires absolutely no explanation from me,  not least because I’ve drunk too much wine to bother.

Don’t you think? I know I do, mainly because it’s so very, very pink. It has some shhexy pictures of me in it and is covered in little love hearts!

Why bother going anywhere else on the internet?

To that end, and if you really love me, please nominate shhexycorin.co.uk for the Metro’s best British blog award. If I win, I’ll share the prize with me and my shhex toys. That’s all of you who put out for me and send me your genitals.

Forextra Brownie points, you could nominate me for a Photobloggie. I’m bound to win that one!

See you at the awards ceremony!

Late to the party as ever, I’ve been getting into Vox recently. As far as I can tell it’s a combination of blogging platform and social network that makes it really easy to talk shite and keep up with what the other gas-baggers you’re interested in are doing. It has oodles of features - lots of privacy options for the paranoid amongst us, you can upload pictures, videos and music, integrate with various sites, includng Flickr.

Anyway, it’s nifty, I think it has real potential. If you want somewhere to blog, you should try it out. Of course, it doesn’t have quite the zen-like charm of Twitter, but that would just be asking too much.

My Vox isn’t used for much other than stalking a few friends and working out what the site can do.

He’ll jump on your face, motherfucker!

Someone I work with has a phobia of dwarves. So I keep one in my pocket and get it out whenever I want to force her to do something she doesn’t want to do. They are fascinating things though, midgets and dwarves. You’re never sure where the laughter starts and the screaming ends, but it’s normally down by your knees somewhere. The other night I started looking up dwarves and midgets on YouTube. I tell you, it’s a great way to get some fucked up dreams! Let me give you a couple of choice highlights, let me share the pain, please…

The Valhalla of “little people” is the primordial dwarf. So small that you can get 2 or 3 in your handbag and still have room for a foot-long vibrator, they sound like they breathe helium. If I was being honest, I really would love one of them for my birthday (hint, hint).

Of course, in these politically correct times, we must remember that dwarves are real people too and, as such, they deserve to be mocked and derided as much as the next person. Or paraded about on the Jerry Springer freak show. They’re particularly cute when they run at each other and knock themselves right over. Weeeeee!

My all-time fave is the Little Superstar. He’s a YouTube hero, a funky little guy… no-one can quite agree what the hell he is! Boy can he move, I bet he’s a firecracker in the sack too.

Other dwarves of note

The laughing German midget gives you one of those warm tingly feelings inside. Probably where you pissed yourself in fear.

Howard Stern gives us some great dwarf on dwarf action where they’re just slagging each other off for being dwarves, basically. To make it even better, one of them is rat-arsed. “You don’t even have an ass”. Genius.

Get some real violence with midget kickboxing, though I must say that the commentary really lets that one down. Not to worry, the midget Michael Jackson will put that right out of your mind and getting you jiving away. And the crème de la crème… midget bullfighting, embedded here for your viewing pleasure, because I don’t want the title to spoil the ending for you.

UPDATE: the above video is no longer available :’((((((

And that’s about it from me on the tiny fucker front. Time for breakfast, I think.

I beat this fuck-ugly kid up

My, um, fortnightly round-up of the twats on Flickr is only coming about because Flickr is down, I can’t sleep late and I feel like having a bit of a jibber-jabber.

The first example of how people on Flickr are increasingly wrong in the head, started happening about a month ago. I got home from an accidental drug-fuelled orgy at 7am one Saturday morning, to find a Flickrmail from ellipse asking me what I thought about becoming an admin in FlickrCentral. I’m not sure how to explain to a stranger just how fucked up this is, friends have described it as “as if they’d asked Martin Luther King to become President of the United States”, “one of the greatest pieces of humour I have ever seen”, “a massive fucking sell-out, you corporate cunt”. One of my mentors, Helen Keller, told me she never thought she’d see such a miracle in all her life!

The FC admins fannied about for weeks before actually promoting me, due to sheer laziness on their part, but they finally flipped the switch on Sunday night. Monday was great fun, a couple of my mates knew already but most people did not have a fucking clue what was going on. ACE.

I’m frequently labelled a “troll” and is as NIPSA as they come, but now I’m one of the boring cunts I once spent so long ridiculing. The world has flipped upside down, I tell you. Proof? I spent some of yesterday evening discussing dogging with Heather in FlickrCentral. That’s just not right.

The next thing I knew, Flickr staff were so insanely jealous of the excitement going on around me, that they steal my thunder by making their announcement about forcing old skool users to merge their accounts with a Yahoo ID. God, from the user reaction, you’d think they’d been told to rape their firstborn in the face with a AIDS-tipped shovel or something.

All I’m going to say on the matteris that being self-righteous and tedious doesn’t stop you from being a cunt. In fact, it guarantees you a place in the hallowed halls of Cuntdom, maybe with a little plaque telling passersby of your cunty achievements. I really should be working in a customer-facing role, yes.

Ah, you’ve got to love the Germans, don’t you? Especially for their incredible skill when it comes to designing cars - they combine excellence in engineering, simplicity, style, mechanical brute force and, yes, even a good deal of that va-va-voom that you might think was the domain of the French but is as German as lederhosen, sauerkraut and being a weird stalker type.

Anyway. This vehicle is the future of modern transport. Trust me, I have a good feeling about it. Though you might want to avoid looking at it if you’re at work.

God, but people get upset about shite on the internet, don’t they?

A massive gripe amongst the Flickr Flappers at the moment is the idea that blogging a picture off the site is theft and that these people should be punished. That it is outrageous that someone could consider blogging without asking permission to do so! Some cunts are really missing the point of the internet, methinks. Namely that the internet exists as a method of sharing information, that blogging is a big part of this and that generally if a Flickr picture gets blogged it is a good thing.

One above that in the hysterical hand-flapping charts are the Petitions to Flickr lot. As far as I can make out, this came about because some dodgy porn site was scraping pictures of children off Flickr and posting them in a dodgy location.

Of course, this is unacceptable, but the furore that followed was a fantastic display of ignorance. They have been making all manner of suggestions as to how Flickr can stop paedophilia - ranging from demanding creditcard verification before allowing an account to be opened, to tracking all IP addresses and sending them to the FBI, blocking anyone that ever faved a picture of a child… the list was too ludicrous to bother investigating, check the group out if you’re interested. Don’t these people realise that all paedos get castrated before they reach puberty these days?

Another case of idiots escaping the asylum. They post pictures of their precious kids on the internet and then call anyone who looks at them a paedophile. Because a paedo is never going to be a parent, relative, neighbour or friend, is it? Not in 95% of cases? Implausible.

I just wanted to point out that they should be grateful the pervs were just wanking over their kids and not raping them… But I figured that some parents might view this as though their kids were under-achievers, so I buttoned my lip.

Last, but not least, is the story of the twat in the US who left $10,000 of camera equipment under a jacket and is getting idiots on Flickr to fund buying him new gear because apparently his insurance won’t cover it. Unbelievable.

I got twatted with lomokev on Friday and offered a copy of the picture below, signed by the both of us. But they deleted my thread and banned me from the group.

Ungrateful cunts.
:(

Lazy fuck face, shhexycorin

Fuck nose what’s going on with this blog, but it’s been well over a month since the last post and that one was just a convenient way of linking to some javascript bookmarks for my flickr buddies.

What have I been up to? Well, there were the delights of Christmas and the drug-fuelled spack-outs of New Year’s Eve, with the inevitable near death experience (a cold) and attempts to get a little bit healthier before throwing it all in for a dripping and lard sandwich on a cold winter’s night. I’ve been getting into Twitter. Which is just weird, but gives you a nicely disjointed way of communicating and keeping up with your friends. Cheapskates will also have worked out that with the right settings you can send your mates text messages for free with it. Though that might just for the English, I don’t know, or care!

So maybe I need a belated New Year’s resolution to be a more dedicated blogger, an internet superstar such as myself really shouldn’t neglect her adoring public as I have done. I’m sorry if any of you have killed yourselves because of it. I’m going to get dedicated, nay, addicted to blogging again! Or I’ll be a crushing disappointment…

We’ll see. You’ll love me forever, whatever happens.
:)

5olly is much shhexier than Hitler

5olly is the shhexiest motherfucker I know, so we’ve just set up a group on Flickr to find out if he really his.

It’s called Shhexier Than 5olly? and is possibly the most exciting thing on the internet at the moment. The premise is simple, add your shhexiest shot and the group will vote “5olly” or “shhexy” depending on whether they think you’re repulsive or not.

To make things easier, we’ve got some groovy bookmarklets that allow for easy, automated tagging and commenting for the group. They only work in Firefox or Flock though, so get one of those browsers.

Drag each of the following links up into your bookmarks bar:

Shhexy!

5olly!

Once the bookmarklet is in your Links bar you’re all set. Browse to a photo in the Shhexier Than 5olly pool, write your comment and then click the bookmark. The correct tag to the photo will be automatically added to the photo you are viewing.

Oh, and join the fucking group. Or I will kill you.

This is a pretty shhexy video… but the lyrical content is awful! How can she get away with it? I’m writing to my MP to complain.